Blogging Again.......

I am at a time in my life when for whatever reason I find release in blogging about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I feel like if anyone out there who reads it and can relate to it or if it speaks to them in any way its worth it. My blogs can be crazy,funny,thought provoking or just may not be your cup of tea. Whatever the case I enjoy it so its here for anyone to see.

Lately in my life I find my self reflecting back on things I have gone thru. It is in those times I turn to songs that speak to me and minister to me about whatever I am going thru. Growing up in a Godly home raised by two wonderful parents I find myself lately questioning things why does it have to be this way, is it exactly the way I always thought or was taught it was? Is life so cut and dry with no margin for error and when there are errors how do we forgive ourselves. I know God loves me but have I forgiven myself for things I've done, have I forgiven the people who were involved? How can God love me when I don't love me? Is church a place we go and put on the mask of its alright just because we feel like we can't share our pain with other Christians? I've found its exhausting keeping that mask on but how and when and will I ever be able to take it off? Is God punishing me for things I've done? I know he loves me but I don't always get it right. Will I ever get past my past when it seems like a big dark cloud encompassing me daily. I hear reminders of it from my family you did this, you should have done that, you have to do this now!, you can't keep doing this. At these times I sink back into all the questions again and it seems all I do is go in circles of my past it never goes away.

I have found several songs that minister to me in this time. Here are the words.

One Day At A Time

I've given up on trying
To make it on my own
Time to say goodbye
And leave the life I've known
Foolish things that I regret
Failures I'd like to forget
I sift through them just like sand
Let them slip right through my hands

I'm letting go of all the pieces
That I tried to keep from falling down
You're the only one that can heal a heart like mine
I'm reaching out so help me Jesus
Take who I was and lay it on the ground
and leave it all behind
I'm trusting you one day at a time

I walk away no worries
For what tomorrow holds
I wont look behind me no
I am good to go
Smiling because I'm finding peace
And mercy for the memories
Faith is whispering "Amazing Grace"
I shake the dust from this place

One step in front of the other
Walking next to you
With each dawn I rediscover
You help me make it through
I'm letting go

Words and Music/James Rueger,Tony Wood
Recorded By: Jason Crabb