Starting Over.......

Wow if you would have told me 5 years ago that I would be going to college and completely changing my career path to focus on the health care industry I would have said "You are CRAZY!"

After all I had been in the financial industry for 14 years working my way up from clerk to Project Manager and AVP. This was something I refused to let go of and I refused to accept any other suggestions as to a change for the better. I simply didnt think it could get better.

Through a series of major drama in my life I soon discovered that it was a new career path that I needed however I was scared. I filled out the grant application in March of this year and in November have just now followed thru with it.

Even at that looking at the course offerings I still persisted to hang on to the past the career I had worked so hard to build. One day I finally did it! Decided I wanted to be a radiology tech and I started working toward getting my courses lined up. Obstacle after Obstacle would have made it easy for me to quit however I pushed thru and finally got my grant.

Today, November 18 I am embarking upon a new career and a positive change in my life.

You know sometimes its not easy to make a radical change it hasnt been for me however I am so excited and ready to go!

This song totally describes my mindset toward my future!

One Day At A Time

I've given up on trying to make it on my own
Time to say goodbye and leave the life I've known
Foolish things that I regret failures I like to forget
I let them slip just like sand let them slip right thru my hands

I'm letting go of all the pieces that I try to keep from falling down
Your the only one that can heal a heart like mine
I am reaching out so help me Jesus
Take who I was and lay it on the ground
And leave it all behind
I'm trusting you one day at a time

I walk away no worries of what tomorrow holds
I wont look behind me because I'm good to go
Smiling cause I am finding peace and mercy for the memories
Faith is wispering Amazing Grace I shake the dust off from this place

One step in front of the other
Walking next to you
With each step I rediscover you help me make it through

Sometimes I Cry....

The title of this blog is actually a song on Jason Crabb's new project. The whole project is great I would reccommend anyone go buy it. However this song in particular speaks to me. I think it probably does alot of people in the church today.It especially speaks to this time in my life.

Sometimes I Cry/ written by Gerald Crabb

I look the part blend in with the rest of the church crowd
I know the routine pack a list of the Bible studies in town
Watch Christian TV, I know all the preachers and their cliches
I've been born again and without a doubt I know I am saved

But sometimes I hurt, sometimes I cry
Sometimes I can't get it right no matter how hard I try
Sometimes I fall down stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
But sometimes alone I cry

I try to speak faith, never give the devil one inch to get in
I do worship and praise let everybody know just where that I stand
On the back of my ride is a fish and a cross for the world to see
I know God is good all of the time theres no doubt from me

Sometimes I fall down stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
But sometimes alone I cry

Blogging Again.......

I am at a time in my life when for whatever reason I find release in blogging about whatever is going on in my life at the time. I feel like if anyone out there who reads it and can relate to it or if it speaks to them in any way its worth it. My blogs can be crazy,funny,thought provoking or just may not be your cup of tea. Whatever the case I enjoy it so its here for anyone to see.

Lately in my life I find my self reflecting back on things I have gone thru. It is in those times I turn to songs that speak to me and minister to me about whatever I am going thru. Growing up in a Godly home raised by two wonderful parents I find myself lately questioning things why does it have to be this way, is it exactly the way I always thought or was taught it was? Is life so cut and dry with no margin for error and when there are errors how do we forgive ourselves. I know God loves me but have I forgiven myself for things I've done, have I forgiven the people who were involved? How can God love me when I don't love me? Is church a place we go and put on the mask of its alright just because we feel like we can't share our pain with other Christians? I've found its exhausting keeping that mask on but how and when and will I ever be able to take it off? Is God punishing me for things I've done? I know he loves me but I don't always get it right. Will I ever get past my past when it seems like a big dark cloud encompassing me daily. I hear reminders of it from my family you did this, you should have done that, you have to do this now!, you can't keep doing this. At these times I sink back into all the questions again and it seems all I do is go in circles of my past it never goes away.

I have found several songs that minister to me in this time. Here are the words.

One Day At A Time

I've given up on trying
To make it on my own
Time to say goodbye
And leave the life I've known
Foolish things that I regret
Failures I'd like to forget
I sift through them just like sand
Let them slip right through my hands

I'm letting go of all the pieces
That I tried to keep from falling down
You're the only one that can heal a heart like mine
I'm reaching out so help me Jesus
Take who I was and lay it on the ground
and leave it all behind
I'm trusting you one day at a time

I walk away no worries
For what tomorrow holds
I wont look behind me no
I am good to go
Smiling because I'm finding peace
And mercy for the memories
Faith is whispering "Amazing Grace"
I shake the dust from this place

One step in front of the other
Walking next to you
With each dawn I rediscover
You help me make it through
I'm letting go

Words and Music/James Rueger,Tony Wood
Recorded By: Jason Crabb